I quit my job.
I did. I quit.
Maybe "quit" is a bit too harsh a word. It denotes 'giving up' to me, and I didn't give up. I chose change. I chose my dream. I chose myself.
After a (very) long decision process with my husband, soul searching, financial arrangement and a whole lot of back and forth that took a lot of courage and believing in myself, I was finally able to set a date and make the leap.
November 5th. One month. That's it. Everything changes.
I had been dreaming about getting out of health care and working from home, devoting my time to my craft, my writing and even eventually speaking but, it was always just a pipe dream. I never thought I could do something as crazy as leave a decently paying career with all the benefits to follow my dream into the unknown. But, when my mom died, everything changed. The trepidation I always seemed to have just vanished. I felt I had nothing left to lose and that life is just too precious to let it slip by while I sit in fear of all the "what if"'s.
Then, our world came crashing down even more. The stark realization that life can end at any moment was too overwhelming to bear. I felt like I was wasting myself if I stayed in a career that did not fulfill me. I had already spent years practicing how to make the best out of work and the like--situations that I was unhappy in, but could do nothing about except change myself and my views on it. I did this for years, then we lost our moms, my brother, and watch our son struggle with his addiction...it certainly puts things in a different perspective.
I feel I missed so much these past 18 years and especially the last 13 years while I have worked overnight. Yes, I picked this career. Yes, it fulfilled me, for a time. It definitely served it's purpose, and served me well. But, I longed for my family time--holidays, birthdays, celebrations, vacation without feeling like I'm arranging for an out of state visitation...
Family time became incredibly important to me. Death will do that, I think. I didn't want to waste any more time. I had to get out. The first two years after my mom died, I still didn't have a plan. I still just let myself dream a little at a time about working from home. Then, all of these little synchronicities started to happen. I started going to places I never would have before, meeting and talking with people I never felt in league with, reaching out and making connections with people I now call friends. These meetings have forged bonds now that are incredible and indispensable. They have led me to people and situations that continue to help me grow and follow this path I am on.
I didn't just come up with the idea to quit completely on my own. I had Noah, of course, but I also had an amazing woman by my side, as well. I met Priya in Sedona (one of those wonderful synchronisities) who just happens to be a fantastic coach who wrote a fantastic book called "Give YourSelf Permission To Live Your Life" (http://gyspermission.com/). She coached me through eight weeks of staunch decision making while working through her book and it was just what I needed.
This work was paramount in my decision to follow my heart and my dream, as it helped me break down every part of my questioning and forced me to really look at what I wanted and learn to give myself permission to want it and know I deserve it.
Amazing. Decision made. And if I was still questioning my decision, I came across another book that I had been given by chance last November at Hay House's Movers and Shakers seminar. It's called "Choose Yourself" by James Altucher (find it here, you won't regret it). It was amazing that I never read it until after I read Priya's book...almost like it was meant to be...
What I'm saying is, cool things happen. They happen when they are supposed to happen, you just have to be paying attention. I'm glad I was and felt the nudges from the Universe, God, my Source, Higher Power...whatever it is to you, it was there for me and I am eternally grateful for the people and situations that came into my life, right when I needed them.
I am grateful for the career I've had all these years and the joyous (and not so joyous) times I have had and the many, many lessons I've learned. I am grateful for all of the relationships I have made with both my co-workers and my patients.
The door is not closed, I have been assured of that, so I always have an "out" if my new-found career path comes to a dead end, but, somehow, I just don't believe it will.
I will have gratitude in my heart no matter what, though. That's the price of touching happiness.
Nanette
