Mother's Day without mom

  

You never get too old for your mother’s death to crush you. All supposed wrongdoing and arguments go far away.

You never get too old to need your mother back, to wish anything else in exchange to have her to call, to talk to.

You never get too old to want to wrap up in your mothers robe and be comforted by it. To lay your head on her lap and feel her hand on your hair.

You never get too old to feel sad or lonely or scared and want the presence of your mother to make it all feel better again.

You especially feel the loss of these emotions if you had separated so far from them while she was still living. When they are ripped away from you so suddenly, that's when you might feel that loss the greatest.

I truly realized the meaning of, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" in this past year. I didn't think this Mother's Day would be as hard as it was; much harder than last year. I suppose it's because I have 'settled' in to the realization of her death and have had time to let it sink in, unlike last year when I was still so overwhelmed and keeping my mind busy with all that there was to do to prepare for life without her.

All I could think about yesterday was what I could have been doing with her for Mother's Day. How much fun we could have had and all the different things she liked to do.

She was no ordinary lady. We could have done so much. I imagine how much fun it would have been to go to our usual haunt, St. Charles for quiche and iced tea and some shopping, but with our cameras this time. How much fun she would have had taking pictures together of the flowers and buildings and walking the Katy Trail along the river, then having a glass of wine on the veranda of one of the many wineries along Historic Main Street. Then, if we weren't too tired, we could have even taken in a movie.

 

While she was alive, I didn't know how I would feel if she were to live closer to us, but now I wish she had, at least in the last few years.

But I didn't know this was going to happen.

That's why it is important to try to set differences aside, now. Cherish what you have. Decide what's most important, being right or being love.

There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish I had done something different. Now is your chance, don't let it pass you by.

Make your life something to be proud of, not something to regret.

My best wishes to you,

Nanette