Sundays With Buddha

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations.

                                                                                                                   --Buddha


Week 48


Doubt and misunderstanding: there is no wider abyss between people, and there is no greater distance from yourself.

Doubt comes from mistrust and we all have some reason or another for our trust to have been damaged. However, if we allow situations from our past (or present), even multiple situations, to influence us for the rest of our lives, imagine what we could potentially be missing. I'm not saying that, if your spouse cheats on you time and time again, or your child lies to you or steals from you to support their own greed, for you to continue to turn a blind eye; that would be foolish.

But we cannot use our prejudices or stereotypes of one life experience to influence our outlook on all relationships. You've heard the saying, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me", right? There is a way to take that self-preservation a little too far. While it is definitely very good to take care that you do not become a doormat for anyone to use, allowing your experiences to encourage you to wall yourself off from everyone for fear of being mistreated will, I assure you, make for a very isolated and lonely life.


We often doubt the intentions of those who differ from us. Look at the evidence of conflict between races of all kinds, in all different countries. We fear what we don't understand; what differs from us. Our doubt and prejudices leave no room for compassion and understanding. And what about the preconceived notions a lot of people have about gays? Their 'intentions' are often doubted, as well. How horrifying to constantly be misunderstood because of such a matter as who you love or what color your skin is, even if that fear or doubt or prejudice is based on the actions of some that can be "categorized" with the whole. We are only part of the problem if we allow our doubt and fear and misunderstanding to rule our minds...and our tongues. It inevitably results in hate.


Are there any other ways you can think of when doubt has controlled you? How about with your own personal decision making? Doubting other people is not the only way to break up pleasant relations. Constantly living in the shadow of doubt can affect many aspects of your relationship to yourself, as well. From the simple decisions like "what do I wear to this thing?" to major financial decisions like what to invest in, when to make that offer on the house you want, when to take the leap and change jobs, what relationships to acquire because you doubt yourself and everyone else causing you to have trust issues (based on those past hurts)...it all builds up, no matter how small and insignificant the decisions seem, each one a stone. And, no matter how small, each one helps you to build that barrier of doubt around your life, isolating you from freedom and happiness.

Always doubting and being on guard for someone to 'do you wrong' can cause agony where it needn't be. The attitude that everyone is 'out to get you' is very damaging, at best. Having a suspicious mind because you have been hurt before is the fast track to ruining good relationships. Don't let past mistakes cloud your judgment for future fulfillment.


Letting go of the fear of making the wrong decisions is scary. Sometimes, especially if you have been this certain way all of your life and have lived through terrible hurts, it will seem next to impossible to change. But, doubt is not your friend. In some cases it can cushion you from the blows of your mistakes. But creating a habitual life of doubt...that's a far lonelier place than picking up the pieces after learning from your mistakes.


Thanks for reading today.


Namaste

Nanette