The Power of Change

I've had something on my mind for awhile, now. I've been worrying that some of my friends, family and acquaintances might feel that I have changed over this last year. I worry that it may make them feel threatened or disappointed in some way. Maybe I'm being completely self-absorbed by even worrying about this, but I've been on the other end of this spectrum before. It's just that, when someone goes through things, especially major life events, it can cause in them great change. Oftentimes they may end up losing friends because those friends don't understand that they're really the same people, they just now have a different perspective on life.

Most of you know my mom was killed last year, and three months later my mother-in-law was murdered; it kind of changes a person. It definitely changes the way you perceive things. It certainly changed my outlook of this world around me; tested my faith. Forced me to have to look at things a different way. I had to really search for my Spirituality and really try to find answers to gain peace for myself.

Now, truthfully, I had already been on a sort of Spiritual Mecca, if you will, since 2008. I was beginning to change my ways, search for ways to bring Peace and calm into my life. I just could not give up my old personality fully and make that change completely public for fear that all my friends would think "Oh, great...Nanette "found God." That's not necessarily it at all, but I didn't know how to make the transition public. I've seen or heard of friends on Facebook, for instance, that I haven't heard from in a while changing drastically; religiously. I didn't want to be looked at or talked about like they were being talked about, with raised eyebrows and smirks, even though I knew it wasn't right to treat anyone that way.

Then, my whole world was literally dumped on it's head. My fear was gone. I realized that life was too short to forego living my authentic life to please others. I actually had a beautiful, spiritual episode one day after my mother's death and I immediately blogged about it. I started writing as much as I could, because it is my dream to help other people who may be going through the same difficulties I have, not just with the death of a loved one, but everything I have gone through in my life that they may be experiencing, and help them to understand that they are most definitely NOT alone. That the seemed unaccomplishable is, indeed, able to be accomplished. I relay what I've learned, tested and proven to be true in my life to you to show that there is hope to ending the frustrations you may have in your life.

This is not proselytizing. This is not religion. But, I can see where it would be considered this and equally annoying; like I said, I've been on the other end of this many times before. If you have ever browsed through my blog, you may have even seen a few posts about my views on religion. I don't follow it. I'm not opposed to it, though I used to be. I used to have very angry feelings towards the unjust actions of many religious groups. But I've grown since then. I no longer find myself blaming the whole for one section's wrongdoing. I don't want to blame anybody. When wrongful things happen, it makes me sad, but I no longer lay prejudice on the whole.

So, what's with all the Buddhism, writing for tinybuddha.com  and "Sundays With Buddha" stuff? Well, I'm interested in the introspection and peace that comes from it. Buddhism is not technically considered a religion, more so than a way of life. I'm not fully there, yet. I'm testing it out; learning about it. That's what life is, isn't it? One big learning process? I'm certainly not trying to convert anyone. The lessons I've learned can be gained from any religion or positive path you choose. And I'm not anti-Christian, and I've been very open to how I feel about religion in this blog.

So, yeah, I've changed. But I'm still the same. I just try to do things with a little more peace and grace, and I'm still working on that, and will continue to do so. It's something that I have to work on each day, which is why I write this blog, and the precise reason for the weekly blog series "Sundays With Buddha".

My change doesn't mean that you can't still talk to me the same way, and it doesn't mean that you can't still act the same way around me. I certainly don't ever want anyone to feel that they have to walk on egg shells around me. I'm not going to be offended by anyone, and hope to never offend in return. The one good thing about what has happened in my life, that is in regards to the change that has gone on in me, is that there is no judgment for anyone. You are all on your own journey, just like I am. It's not my business to change you or to judge you for the journey that you're on.

I just wanted you all to know that.

Thanks for listening, my friends...

Nanette