A new post on Tiny Buddha...

I am so grateful to Lori at Tiny Buddha (.com) for the opportunities I've had to post my thought on her website. My biggest wish is to help other people to understand that they are not alone in their fear, pain, misunderstanding. If I can write about every drop of human emotion that I (and my husband) have felt and swam through, and made it to the surface again to live a brighter day, I have joy. We are all connected, we are not alone. You are not powerless. If I can make these changes, so can you. Here is another example of how I pulled though another difficult time in my life... http://tinybuddha.com/blog/when-you-feel-angry-more-often-than-not/

Our Eclectic Life: Happy Anniversary

Our Eclectic Life: Happy Anniversary: Today is my 10th anniversary and I want to tell you about the man that I fell in love with on November 2nd, 1997, and who I married on Octob...

The cost of Service

I haven't written much on here in a little while. I did, however, write another post for Tiny Buddha and I will post that link as soon as it is up, probably in the next month or so. I've also been doing some work on my other blog, Our Eclectic Life.

Anyway, I've just been up to the same old stuff. Busy, as always, and trying to figure out how to manage it all and still make time for some peace in my life.

Things are so different in our lives now, every day is a big change. I don't do all the same things that I used to do, time for myself has diminished greatly. It's getting more difficult to keep that attitude I've had lately..."It's better to live a life of servitude than to live selfishly for yourself alone."

With so many tasks laid upon me so suddenly to care for and to manage, I feel, at times, that I've lost myself in the process of finding a way to care for everyone else. I do serve. I have a humble heart now. Something quite foreign to me from how I've been in the past. But sometimes I wonder, at what cost?

My husband is starting to voice his concerns more now about the direction our lives are going and what our future is starting to look like. He's worried that a life of servitude is all we are headed for.
He's not a selfish man, but I do think he's yearning for a bit of our "old" life back. I tell him, "things have changed." He asks me, "are they ever going to go back to the way they were?"

The truth is, I don't know. Just when I think I've got another task completed (in helping to prepare my father for life without my mom, for instance), and I think I've made great headway and I'm one step closer to getting it all done, another task arises. He feels it's one thing after another, with everything, our own business included.

It's hard to explain without boring you with all of the details. We're just busy all of the time, every day, with multiple things needing our attention.

We are like everyone else out there, we get overwhelmed, too. But I maintain my philosophy about servitude. You see, I still feel that, even if I am exhausted at the end of the day, even if I got nothing done for myself, let alone anything pleasurable or relaxing, I have still accomplished greatness and I can feel peace for what I've done because I have served another.

But if it's like that every day, and I'm exhausted every day, and I have nothing left for myself every day, how do I get past any feelings of resentment?

A few years ago, I would have been filled with resentment. I still feel the curve of resentment's fingers wrapping around my heart even now, sometimes. In the past, I would feel ashamed or fearful of those feelings. Now I recognize them, allow them, acknowledge them, and let them go. I forgive myself for feeling fearful, not necessarily for the resentment itself. I know that I am human, and I will feel human emotions.

So, how do I get past it even after forgiving myself for them; to feel okay with the way life is right now?

I guess I just remember that there are things that need doing; things that must be done. That I have to take care of myself and decide which things can be said 'no' to. That this is not a selfish act. I need to organize my time, make time for my family and myself, as well. This may seem like a further burden, now having to worry about hurting feelings and saying 'no', managing time more wisely, discussing these things with everyone. But, in the long run, getting these 'ground-rules' set will save a lot of hurt feelings and confusion.

So, isn't this just one more task? Yep. And probably not the final one. But it seems to be a step closer. What I tell Noah is, that, even though he feels we're always "one step closer, two steps back", we're still a step closer. Life has changed. I don't think it will ever go back to the way it was. How can it? Now, the task is managing well with what we have. Everything that one 'deals' with in life is a lesson. And in lessons there are blessings. Whether you see them at first, or not.

You can look at tough times in your life one of two ways. With resentment and anger, or with gratitude and grace. It really is all in your perspective. You have all the power, because you control your reaction, though you may not control the situation. If you constantly have a "woe-is-me" attitude about your life, you will always have that life. If you choose to look for and find, any possible lesson and blessing in your situation, whatever it may be, and learn from it and then be thankful for it, you will be living from your Highest Self, and you will always have THAT life.

And you know what? That's worth living a life of servitude, to me.


Have a great weekend. N

Just a couple of quotes...

I'm writing another article to submit to Tiny Buddha next week, so I'm busy with that at the moment, but thought I'd check in and say HI!

I know this blog is a bit Spiritual and a bit deep at times. That's why I created Our Eclectic Life. It's a place to get to know us better, and an outlet for me to share every day experiences in life with my friends and readers. When I 'came out' about this blog, I was tentative, to say the least. I didn't want my friends to think I was living one life and showing myself around them as another. I just wasn't ready to share this side of me. But when mom and Phyllis died, it was a catalyst for me to live my true authentic life. So, here I am. This is me. And I'm sorta loving it...

I have these quotes from two of my favorite fellas on my refrigerator to look at when ever I can. I'm going to rewrite them, I think. Make them look different so I don't just treat them like the background and really start taking notice of them again.

Though I'd share them with you.


"How to Be Free of the Veil of Illusion?

Perceive things (situations, people, events, etc.) predominately through awareness (presence) rather than thought. Even just observing the minds compulsive and constant judging is the beginning of freedom.

Be at peace by making peace with the present moment."

                                                                                                  Eckhart Tolle


"Every thought that you have impacts you. By shifting from a thought that weakens your energy to one that strengthens, you raise your energy vibration and strengthen yourself and the immediate energy field."

                                                                                                   Dr. Wayne Dyer

Hope this helps in some way. It certainly did me. Not just recently, either. I've been working on this method of being since 2008. Though, I certainly believe in "To each his own", I just know that I have made great strides in my well being and just wanted to share a little loving kindness with you today.

I wish you all the wonderfulness you deserve...
Nanette





                                                                               

Full Circle...

Today I was missing my mother. Really, really...really missing her. It's been like that for quite few days, actually. Maybe even weeks. Now that things are really starting to settle down and into a routine, I have more time to think, because my mind is not as busy...

But, I must not be thinking about the right things, because I think I have writers block. Inspiration block.

Sure, I've been working on my other blog, but it's like I've been avoiding this one. My first bit of real inspiration came with the idea of needing to write this post, here, and when I opened my notebook, I found something I had jotted down a while back. It's what I used as my last post, "Little Reminders."

I don't know when I wrote it. I know I had done it at work. When it was quiet and slow for a moment. It just came to me, like most of my content. That's why I always carry the notebook (or my iPhone in a pinch does just fine. Yay, technology!).

I had every intention of posting it but didn't get around to it, for whatever reason. It's just what I needed, though. A reminder. Which is why I started this blog in the first place. To keep myself reminded, in check.
Inspired.

I needed that bit of inspiration from myself, I'm glad I found it. In essence, it was the definition of what just happened, come full circle:
Missing my mother has become more unbearable lately. I fear the euphoria of my Shift may be subsiding enough for me to let those "old realities" back in. I know that missing my mother is okay. Human nature. Normal. There is nothing wrong with mourning my mother's death. I know that whatever I feel is okay and I do not want to judge myself for my feelings. Noah feels the same about his mom.

We miss them. It's terrible. Especially with the holidays approaching. With my mom and I, the holidays started October 1st. We did a lot of stuff together for Halloween the whole month of October. She LOVED it. And so did I.

My anxiety grows as that month approaches. I'm going to try to do some of the things I did with mom, with my sister this year, and Noah and I are going to Tennessee for our 10th wedding anniversary at the end of the month, so we'll be there over Halloween. Then I'll just take the rest of the Holiday's one at a time.

I've not felt the new surge of anger that I am hoping I will not have to encounter for the way she was taken from us, and if I'm feeling like this 6 months after my mom's death, will Noah start to go through the same thing as the months go by about his own mother?

I fear the onslaught of negative emotions and behaviors we may face due to this new wave of grief in the coming months. I believe this fear is causing me anxiety and in turn causing me to start having negative thinking.

I feel blocked, aside from busying myself with our other blog (because it focuses on the lighter side of our life). A distraction, if you will. Busy projects to take your mind off the fact that the holiday season and Christmas-time are coming and your mothers are not going to be here.

I've had no enlightened inspiration for myself, or to share with others. I had a sinking feeling that it was all leaving me and I was going to be left without that wonderfulness I had had just a couple months ago.

I was afraid it was all just a bout of manic euphoria brought on by the shock and grief of a sudden death.

I thought I was losing it, including my faith in myself.

Then I picked up this notebook to write about it and found that last entry. It's like I wrote it for myself, for just this moment.

I never posted it. I must have somehow known I would need it, at this precise moment in my life, to restore my faith in myself. To restore my faith in this wonderful Universe and all that it holds for us.

To get me to reflect on this entire situation and be grateful for it. Writer's block, inspiration block, and all.

To remind me to be more mindful next time.

I always talk about synchronicity. It really is awe-inspiring to me when this type of thing happens. It's amazing to me to know I was able to pick out the message in this even in the midst of my fear and pain, because I was feeling fear and pain, and I try so hard to let go of fear and pain. It shows me how far I've come, and how much further I can go. That it is attainable, because I am living proof of it happening to me right now. It is a joy to me that I can share this with you that you can attain the peace you seek. As I've said before, it doesn't (usually) happen over night, it takes faith. And work. But it's worth it. It becomes easier the more you notice the wonderful little things happening for you because it builds your faith in the possibility that all things are possible. This reminds me not to DO and just try to BE.
All I have left to say to the Powers That Be is "Thank You, Thank You, Thank You."
I needed that.
I wish you all the wonderfulness that you deserve...

Little Reminders

Amazing things will happen to you when you let them. Of course, it lies within your opinion what "amazing" is.

I used to be afraid to hope. Afraid because I knew my hopes would be shattered in disappointment.

I am no longer afraid because I removed my attachment to what it is I hoped for. I still hope. I still dream. But now I do it without fear. Without the fear of losing it or not attaining it.

I am in awe of how humbled I am when it happens for me. I am in awe of my acceptance of what is when it does not.

I try to find something to be grateful for in every situation. Even when I become 'aware' of the negativity I revert to at times when I am acting unconsciously. At first, I was disappointed in myself for having those moments of unconsciousness allowing me to have negative thoughts and actions. Now I find it serves me much better to be grateful for those moments that I might be reminded to be more mindful next time.

The coolest birthday gift...

I have a quick little story I wanted to share with you. I don't know why I waited so long to tell it, it was just a quirky little thing that happened, but I was just thinking about it and wanted to share it. I took my son out with me for my birthday two days before my actual birthday (July 23rd). We just went to dinner and shopping all around and then to the mall. While walking through the busy mall, a young woman walked passed us and complimented me on my dress. I was a little taken aback, and I don't take compliments well, but I thought it was very nice. It's fresh and inviting to open yourself up and reach out to someone and offer kind words or a compliment.  We eventually made our way to Earthbound Trading Company, where there are a lot of ethnic wares, posters, incense, jewelry, and unique novelties. A display of cuff bracelets caught my eye. I was standing there with my son looking at all of these bracelets when a lovely young African American woman who was also the store clerk approached us. She also complimented me on my dress. I was appreciative, but found it a bit odd. Two compliments in less than 20 minutes. See, I was wearing a dress that had belonged to my mother. I took some of her things when I cleaned out her house. I explained to the clerk that this was my moms dress and that she had recently passed. The clerk ( I wish I had gotten her name) asked me if I feel my mother. That she is with me. I told her that I did. And this is true, especially after the quantum moment I had had several weeks before. She told me that she just had to come over and meet me, that I had such a calming presence about me; an unusual aura. We spoke briefly for a few minutes more about the other side and she had to go back to work. My son thought that the interaction was "cool" and, frankly, so did I. We have noticed these interactions alot lately, where people have approached me and have stated the calming affect I have or the serene way about me. This is so foreign to me, a far cry from how I used to be, but it is now becoming more of a natural feel for me. I'm getting used to hearing this and realizing that this is me, now. It was actually always me, I just didn't know it yet.
These interactions started even before I lost my mom. In January all of the employees in my department had to meet with a Human Resources representative due to the less than great employee survey results at work. When I got into the lady's office, she was a little harried, rushing a bit because she was late. I was just getting off work at 7:00 am, she was hurrying to get started with me. When she finally settled in to her desk she looked at me and took a big breath and said "Are you always this calm? You just have such a calming affect...I just want to take in a big breath and sigh..."(and she did so). I was surprised at her words. I told her that I was not always this calm, quite the opposite actually. But I have been changing. Realizing what is important in life. Stressing myself into early old age is not one of them. So all of this really started quite awhile before mom died. I'm sure that is a huge contributor to the way I am able to handle the things in my life, now. I just wanted to share these little, but very significant, moments I've had. Speaking out to others, telling them what you feel, what is in your heart, even if it is just kind words in passing, can have a great impact on them. And they, like me, will then be encouraged to keep that feeling those interactions give them, and carry it within themselves, and share kindness of their own. Kindness, caring...it's a cycle, and it is contagious. That's a great thing to spread.



The dress...

The bracelet...

Have a wonderful Sunday...N

Our Eclectic Life: It's the little things...

Our Eclectic Life: It's the little things...: Hi, everybody! Hope you had a great weekend! Ours was B-U-S-Y, as usual. I'm blogging a little tutorial on quick curtain making next, I'll...

Our Eclectic Life: A further introduction...

Our Eclectic Life: A further introduction...: My mother and I didn't always get along. I'm ashamed of that. We had a rocky relationship from about the time I was 14 or 15. I was sassy, t...

Quantum Moment

I want to tell you about the day I realized I had my Quantum Shift. I was standing at my sink in my kitchen doing the dishes listening to an online radio station to nature music feeling the breeze through my window, seeing the leaves of the trees flutter in the wind, noticing the flowers in the neighbors yard, the colors so vivid. There were butterflies and bugs fluttering by. The nature sounds mixed with soothing music was calming. I noticed the feel of the warm soapy water, could see the stark blue of the spring sky...and the absolute peace I felt, the beauty of the moment. I felt my connection to my Source, to my mothers Spirit, to the Universe. It was a most precious moment. I could feel my Shift. I said to myself, "I never want to forget this feeling. Please don't ever let me forget this." I actually wept peaceful joyous tears.
About two weeks later I watched a DVD staring Dr. Wayne Dyer called "The Shift", and I could not believe what I was hearing. Dr. Dyer was describing the four parts of a Quantum Moment and I knew for sure what had happened that day in the kitchen.
It was Surprising*. While standing at my sink totally submerged in my thoughts while doing the dishes and listening to that music, staring out the window, I was caught completely off guard and was snapped back into instant reality by the sudden realization that something was happening.
It was Vivid*. I was snapped into acute awareness of everything that was happening around me. The nature sounds in the music and outside. The wind in the trees and the sound the leaves made as they rustled against each other, the birds landing on the neighbors fence, the vivid hue of the purple Iris across from me in the neighbors yard, the breeze billowing the curtain and caressing my face, the blue of the sky and white puff of the clouds. I remember the springtime bugs buzzing around in the dappled sunshine and the sudden realization of the feeling of calm and peace enveloping me. Which brings me to how I also know this had been my Quantum Moment:
It was Benevolent*. I truly felt the presence of the Great Creator. I felt my mother. I felt God. In all things around me. In myself. In the busyness of the nature I was witnessing living it's life outside my kitchen window. I felt a peace like I had never felt before. I knew that everything would work out as it should, and I would have peace with it. My fear and worries left me in that moment, and I felt peace and comfort with my being.
I took a long while to write about this, nearly four months, because I needed to test the 4th Quality.
Whether it was Enduring*. Now, I realize that four months is not four years, but needless to say, I am still changed by this Shift. Even though I have endured through the last four months with this same feeling of change, what really acts as a testimony to my Shift is my actions, thoughts, feelings, and reactions to another tragedy in our lives. Just two months after my own mothers death, my husbands mother lost her life tragically. Between that, returning to work, which is usually a major source of stress and reaction for me, and dealing with all the responsibilities I now face what with caring for my father while working full time and taking care of my own family and managing my own home life, I have continued this new and unexpected way of thinking and feeling that was completely foreign to me at first, but now feels like home. I have endured. I have continued this new way of life. It is still very curious to me how I am still in this state of well-being, through all of the challenges of everyday life, but I am realizing that this is how we are meant to be. We are not meant to have strife and discord, worry and pain. We are meant to thrive. To love and be loved.
I have come home. I've come home to myself. Quantum Shifts usually happen after a great "fall". Mine was the death of my mother. A great shock. A great transformation of perspective. This is just the beginning of my journey. I know I still have a long way to go, but with this new found peace, I've found confidence. I know I am on the right path. I am filled with joy and love.
I wish you all wonderfulness...



*The four qualities I use here are used by Dr. Dyer in his book and movie "The Shift" and are taken from the book "Quantum Change: When Epiphanies and Sudden Insights Transform Ordinary Lives" by authors William R. Miller and Janet C'de Baca