Sundays With Buddha

Week 23


Chaos is inherent in all compound things. Strive on with diligence. 
                                                                                                --Buddha


No matter what you wish of this world, chaos is to humanity as death is to life: inevitable.  You must find a way to fulfill your destiny in a way that brings you peace. You must identify your goals and dreams and be diligent in the work to attain them. I struggle with this as much as anyone else. When chaos is all around us, and it certainly is; in our families, swarming all over the news, on your Yahoo home page, it's hard not to get "sucked in" when it has become such a prominent way of mainstream life.

The chaos we deal with isn't always just the kids at home or war on the news. Think about all the chaos you went through yesterday. Write it all down, whatever you can remember. Now really devote some time to figuring out alternatives to how you dealt with it. How could you  have done things differently? This is a perfect example of "striving on with diligence".

You are capable of bringing yourself some peace. No one is waiting in the wings to do it for you. Not really. It is attainable. Conquer small goals at a time. I actually wrote an article for tinybuddha.com about getting things done in the midst of chaos.

Though I have accomplished a lot of this myself, I know how difficult it can be to fall back into old, chaotic routines. And, as I am working diligently on mastering this myself, I also know the difficulty in sticking with it; and the power of faith in your accomplishments. You may not be able to change the headlines, but you can certainly change the channel.

What channel will you tune your life into?

Namaste,

Nanette

Sundays With Buddha

 

 

Week 22




There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it.

                                                                                       --Buddha

I've been thinking a lot lately about the events affecting my family over the last year and a half. Though I have lost two of my own, my mother and very recently my brother, my husband’s mother has really been on my mind. I wrote a piece following her passing about all the peaceful feelings of love and closeness everyone had, even after being rocked to the core as everyone was by the awfulness of what happened.

I haven’t revisited my stance on the situation since then, but now that a full year has passed, it’s easier to get honest with myself about what I’m feeling. The shock of what has happened is all but gone and all that remains are raw thoughts and feelings that have had the time to be processed and evaluated. I can tell you, I spent a lot of time not thinking about what happened because I was afraid I would have different feelings about it than I originally had. I didn’t want to feel angry, or cheated, or saddened by the state of this world and what happened because, truthfully, there was a lot that I could feel angry about, cheated out of, and saddened by. But ignoring these feelings doesn’t help. Feeling them, recognizing them, allowing them and then accepting them is what helps you through.

I'm not sure if I was actually doing that as best I could. I know this because I have let myself 'go'...farther than I thought I would revert to, but not as far as I could have, thank God. I've just now started to realize the effect this has had on me, and, like I wrote in this post, it's time to get it together and prove the "purity above all."

Noah and I, from the start, though we had calm feelings about the events, had many questions, as well. Why did this have to happen? What is the purpose? Is there a purpose? And we didn't just have these questions about our own tragedies. There has been so much that has happened in our world, our country alone, that everyone has questions regarding their faith, the state of the world, our future as a society and as the human race . It's a hard thing to swallow, accepting that there must be evil in order for good to prove it's purity above all. But, if you think about it, we've all come together at our best after major events. We stand together at our strongest in our darkest hours. The most touched I have ever been was watching people pull together to help make things right.

I don't know all the answers to why things happen as they do...I'm sure I don't know any answers to why they do. But it brings me peace to think that there may be some reason for it. Some great, perfect, cosmic reason for all that happens to us. That, even though we may not understand all that does, we are free to have all the faith we need to believe that all of our trials are to better us as a race and that the sacrifices that the fallen have made were, indeed, not in vain.


May you find your own peace and comfort in your days.

As always, thank you for reading.

Namaste,

Nanette

 

On Another Note...

I haven't written any other post besides the Sundays With Buddha in a really long time, so I thought now would be a good time to sort of get back to my 'old' writing style. I've written many posts about the power of positive thinking, how to love yourself first, the importance of being authentic, and how I need to follow my own advice. I've shared my struggles with my journey to becoming what I envision for myself, and have vowed to do better.

The vow is still alive and I am still working on getting myself in gear, but no matter how much I can write about doing it, I just don't seem to be able to get it done myself...not as fast as I would like, that is. And, since I'm a "think-a-holic", I'm really entering into super analyzation mode. The problem, right now, has been my continuing lack of motivation to take care of myself and commit to the healthy lifestyle I left behind the day my mom died.

As you know, we've had a lot going on this past year and a half, but I really need to stop using that as an excuse. My whole summer has gone by and now fall is just on the threshold and I'm letting my days slip on by.  I'm really good at writing and giving advice about letting go of your fear and how to go get what you want, but I can't seem to break my own cycle of monotony.

After my brother died this past July, life was a little harder to swallow. I had been dealing with my mother's death, and Noah has been dealing with his mother's death (at least we think we are) and we were starting to settle into our day-to-day life. But, we weren't getting back to our lives as we knew them before. Thank God I started on this change in myself way before our mothers were taken from us because I don't know what I would have done with myself had I been the same frustrated, angry, blame-laying person I was before.

Then my brother died. We still don't know exactly what happened, we're still waiting for the toxicology report and death certificates, but I waited four months for my mom's to come back so I suppose I can wait for his. What I do know is that, at age 49, his Aorta was 75% blocked. He was an alcoholic. And he was terribly depressed. And, apparently, the months following the one year anniversary of moms death is when he started to decline rapidly due to these compounded circumstances.

Very scary. I made my sister promise that she would get on board and get healthy with me. She's the oldest, at nearly 51, and more unhealthy than I think she'd care to admit. Needless to say, this has not happened, either. There's a lot of talking about starting, and not a whole lot of doing any starting. That goes for Noah and I, too.

And that brings me to the apex of my "Get it in gear, girl" decision. At the time I write this I've got a tiny bit of concern on my mind. A few weeks ago I was at a my Doctor's office for some lab results following treatment for a major vitamin D deficiency and had to tell him about the death of my brother and the possible cause. He decided to run an in depth cholesterol panel on me to make sure I don't have the markers of heart disease. I already have a slight heart condition that I was born with that has continued to develop over time. I have mitral valve and tricuspid valve regurgitation due to an apparent hole or leak in my heart from birth, and  PVCs (Premature Ventricular Contractions) and PACs (Premature Atrial Contractions), all very common, and I've never had abnormal cholesterol (I find out the results tomorrow). While I was there, I mentioned to him that I had been having left flank pain. Lo and behold I had blood in my urine when they tested it. I had a CT to look for a kidney stone, that came back negative (and I just so happened to leave for Milwaukee the evening after the doctor, the CT, and the waiting around for the results to identify my brother's body.) So I saw a Urologist. I'm set to have a Retrograde Cystogram in the OR under sedation (thank goodness since this is a test using a camera to look into the bladder and filling the bladder to look at the ureters, or tubes for draining the kidneys into the bladder) on the 30th. Also a fairly routine procedure, and hopefully they can figure this out now. The day after I saw the Urologist, I had my routine Mammogram. Then I received a letter that it was abnormal. They found a spot on the image of my right breast. Now, even the Radiologist said it's most likely summation (the sum of two parts, in this case the sum of two veins overlapping one another) but I have to have further testing with spot compression on Tuesday.

So, I wait for tomorrow, I wait for Tuesday, and I wait for the 30th. But I have kept myself relatively calm. What should I do, worry about what has not even happened yet? Nothing is set in stone, even after the results are in. Even though I don't know what else could possibly happen, or why what has happened has, or even if there are definitive reasons for such occurrences to happen, I would like to think I can at least take my own advice about not projecting into the future and causing strife about the non-existent. So far, I'm actually doing that.

What I need help with is the motivation to take this into account and get on the path to changing my health. I can't think of a bigger slap upside the head than what I have gone through, thus far. I'm keeping my cool, and I think these events are finally hitting home. I have to make a promise to myself and my husband and son that I will take the good fortune that I have had and be grateful for it and live each day as if it were my last, so that I can live a long and healthy life. I have found some practices that I want to start but have been putting off for so long I almost forget what they are.

But I haven't. Practices for peaceful, healthy living. Things that will be scheduled that keep me on track, because I do well with lists and schedules. I am realizing that this is who I am, for the most part. I'm not a fan of labels, but finding oneself and doing what makes you feel complete, as long as it helps you become successful at what you long for, I say "go for it".

So, that's what has been happening in my life. I've been putting off my writing until the last minute, neglecting my other blog and projects I want to finish, and living day in and day out with no real ambition. I have a head full of ambitious ideas, mind you, but until now, I didn't know how I was going to get out of this funk. This has been an overwhelming testimony to the power of gratitude. I'm actually grateful for the events I've gone through because I don't know what else would have shaken me into evaluating my life and what it is, and what it could be.

I am still living without fear, as I have written about before. I'm really not afraid. I think that went away after my mom and Noah's mom passed. Those life-changing events changed me forever. Maybe I'm just numb, I can certainly see why I would be. But, after living through the devastation of losing my mother, it changed everything I knew. I started to realize there was nothing worth worrying about so much that I sacrifice my well being, my peace. I've taken care of so much this past year as a result of the tragedies we have endured , I can't even begin to list it all; now it's time to take care of myself. I pray that everything in my life is an example for you. That is my goal. I hope that as I journey to find my peace, I can help you to find yours.

Thank you for listening,

Nanette

Sundays With Buddha

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.
                                                                                                   --Buddha
Week 21


I've passed this quote up many times, until I could truly appreciate its meaning. Sometimes, though I have the basic understanding of a quote, I wait until I fully understand the deeper meaning enough to relate to it and share the insight I've gained, and I take this quote to mean that you can speak thousands of words, but if they are all just "filler"--hollow words with no heart and soul behind them-- they are meaningless.

One meaningful, heartfelt, kind, true sentiment holds more weight if it is spoken with love and brings peace or comfort; one word of 'truth' is better and more valuable than a thousand hollow, meaningless words. I am really beginning to understand the value of my words and the effect that they have. It is one of my goals to master myself enough to not only become master of my thoughts, but also of what I say and put out into the world. This has proven to be one of my biggest challenges. We get used to being a certain way; speaking and acting the same way our whole lives. We often find it difficult to believe that we can change or expand our horizons to become different people. It certainly isn't as easy as flipping a switch.

I definitely struggle every day with watching what I say or how involved I get in certain conversations, whether in public or especially with family. Family can be the most difficult to monitor yourself around because you've known them the longest. You may find it intimidating to declare the changes you have made or are planning to make to better yourself to your family; they are often our most staunch critics. But it is important to remember that you are your number one priority. You must make decisions based on what will make you happy. Your desire to become your best you must outweigh the desire to please everyone else.

It is also of much importance that you learn to speak to yourself with kindness and truth. Don't fill you own head with excuses and hollow half-truths. It has become a common past time in this age to lie to ourselves and give in to reasoning that allows us to remain less than diligent with what we know we need to be doing. Being honest with oneself is liberating to the point of peace. There is no judgement; learning to be kind to yourself should relieve you of that. There is enough harshness in this world, enough judgement. Make yourself a sanctuary. Go within. Find that word that brings your peace.

Until next time,

Namaste

Nanette

Sundays With Buddha

 

 

Week 20

 

 

 

Let a man overcome anger by love.

 

                                           --Buddha

 

 

I'm sorry this post is a little late. I had a bit of an epiphany and decided to rewrite this week's post. Today is my husband, Noah's, 40th birthday, and I wanted to talk about him. He doesn't always get the recognition he deserves, and he definitely deserves it. If there ever was any representation of acceptance and forgiveness and love, he is it. I often take for granted the fact that he is the way he is because I've known him for so long (since I was 15 and he 17 and in art class in high school together). We started dating when my son was 18 months old and have been married since 2002 this October 26th. He is, undoubtedly, the best thing that has ever happened to Tyler and me.

 

This young man took on a ready-made family and never looked back. He worked two jobs at times while I was in college and raised our son. I have never been judged by him or called names, not even once, and, boy, I know I deserved it quite a lot, sometimes.

 

I often catch myself just thinking of how good he is; better than me at his resolve and non-judgment, though he is even investing in improving that, too. Now, I’m not making him out to be a saint, here, he has his faults, too. Nothing worth mentioning, though. He helps clean the house, washes and folds laundry, washes dishes, waters the flowers, loves flea-markets, loves our pets, and loves me. (He also loves muscle cars, engines, rock-a-billie, punk-rock and heavy metal with a side of classical, neo-classical…the list goes on. He’s no softie, is what I’m trying to say.) He is a true partner.

 

 He tries his very best, so there isn’t much that I would ever get up in arms about. When I did in the past, it took all of the work I’ve done on myself these last few years to realize that most of my upset was unwarranted and based in my own insecurities. I am so grateful that I have gone through all of the processes that I have to change myself and my outlook on what is important and what to let go of.

Noah has an inherent peace and calm that I have had to work so hard for. He’s working on things, too, but he has a natural, kind spirit. He is the perfect representation of overcoming anger by love. He is a natural loving being and anger is not his way. He has learned as he has gotten older to assess a situation before reacting to it. He may have gotten some of that from listening to me talk about how wonderful I feel now that I’ve learned this and that from this great author and that great teacher, but Noah has never really read any book that I own. I talk about what I’ve read. He’s interested in learning what I’ve learned. But, for the most part, it's all him.

My biggest realization was that he has been my greatest teacher, all along. He is my best friend, ally and partner. I have never known a better man. I am grateful that he is our son’s father, because I know why Noah is the way he is. And I can rest assured that because of him, Tyler will be a great man, too. People are born who they are; they either realize it and live it, or don’t, and they are also often products of their environment. Noah was raised by two wonderful people who loved each other dearly for over 50 years. He was raised by a kind, gentle, calm, loving soul with all of those attributes surrounding him within his family. I have them to thank for Noah. And God.

It’s Noah’s birthday today, but I got the gift.

 

Thank you for sharing in this special post today. Have a great Sunday.

 

Namaste,

Nanette

 

 

 

Sundays With Buddha

Week 19


There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting.
                                                                                                  --Buddha

When I first started to read about ‘truth’, I didn’t know exactly what was being said. Now I know it to mean “your truth”; what you believe, what you want to accomplish, what you want to become. And your only mistakes in getting there, seeing it all into fruition, is to never start along your journey in the first place, and not giving it your all, if you do.

What keeps us from acting? What keeps us from following our dreams?

Procrastination, doubt…fear?

It’s (or can be) incredibly hard to set those feelings aside. What if we fail? What if it’s not good enough or we lead ourselves to criticisms? It’s a terrible doubt, but one we all have had at one point or another.  The trick is to cut through that. So what if it doesn’t go exactly as you planned? At least you tried. Without doing so, you would never know. Not knowing, always wondering…that’s a doubt not worth living with.

The best "mistakes" are ones you learn from. The greatness you may achieve the next time is well worth the risk. The greatest fear for me now, is getting to the end of my life and having the regret of “I wish I had done…” I’m beginning to change that. I’m devoted to learning to live every day as if it were my last. When you stop worrying what others think, you liberate yourself from fear. Fear of failing, fear of embarrassment, fear of inadequacy. Those things don’t really matter. What matters is that you tried.

There is so much bravery in that.

 

Namaste

 

Nanette

Sundays With Buddha

 

 

 

Week 18

 

 

 

 

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.

 

                                                                                                                        --Buddha

 

 

Good advice, though hard to always remember to follow. All the things that you would like to have as a permanent fixture in your life deserve the practice it takes to get there. As I’ve said before, you are worth being gentle to yourself. All great things take a little time to perfect, and you are no different. You cannot expect to change a lifetime of learned behaviors in a week. You are who you are, but know that you have the power to change anything you want to, regardless of what you’ve been told.

That being said, one thing that I have deemed worthy of my attention, or at least the promise to myself that I will strive on with diligence as best I can, is to remember the basic tenet of what this quote conveys: Always mind your tongue.

No matter whom you are talking to, or in front of, or whatever about, your words are being listened to. They are being heard. They are being remembered. It’s up to you what you represent yourself with.

It is hard to stop ingrained personal and social behaviors ‘cold-turkey’. I’ve been at the front of the line for a slice of humble pie more than once, and watching what you say, or even learning to watch what you say can be quite the undertaking.  I began learning (and I am still in this process) to ‘notice’ my thoughts, even if it’s after I’ve said or done something I regret.

As soon as it’s out of your mouth, you can’t take it back. But you can learn from it. Each time it gets easier to listen more, to yourself, before you act. Your awareness and judgment sharpen, and you are then able to make better decisions about what you are about to say or do. You will be better equipped to choose your words more wisely; carefully—for they will be heard and remembered—good or bad.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Namaste,

Nanette



Sundays With Buddha

 

 

 



 

Week 17

 

 

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection.

 

 

                                                                                                                                     --Buddha

 



Wow. What a revelation. One many of us find impossible to comprehend. It has not always been Western Society’s strong suit to rear individuals to love and show themselves affection. We, contrary to our upbringing, hardly treat each other with love and affection, let alone, shower ourselves with it. Whether it leads to feelings that we are being too egotistical and self-indulgent or that we are just plain undeserving, for most of us it just is not a part of our everyday practice.  

But it should be.

I so wish I knew all the wonderful things I now know, when I could have shared it with the people in my life that really needed it, when they needed it. That’s why I open myself now. To share what I’ve learned, my experiences. If only my brother knew all of the things I’m learning. He would have had a better opportunity at leading a life not so filled with pain and self-loathing.

 

I'll never know if anything I could have done would have changed something, anything, in his life, but it would have been nice to try. We get so wrapped up in our lives, in what has "happened" to us; in our "stories" that we lose track of time and before you know it, a year has slipped by. There is a very long, detailed history with my brother, one I may share someday, but, for now, just know that pain is varied, and pain runs deep. And pain can be rectified.

 

If only we all knew this and honored it, everything hurtful anyone ever said to us would pass through us like water through a sieve. We would know the truth--that we are perfect just as we are, that our worthiness is not founded on another’s opinions of how we should be. That we are worthy, no matter what.

 

My brother's life is the most prevalent example I have of the urgent need for us to all know that we must love ourselves. Only after learning this, can we ever really realize the essential truth of loving each other. It is not only important for our own spiritual health, but it is equally important for everyone else who shares this planet.

 

You must know that you are worthy of all the love you hope to give another. This is the key to salvation; the spark at the end of the fuse that will ignite humanity into our fullest potential.

 

 

Thank you for being a part of this today.

 

Namaste,

 

Nanette

 

 

 

 

 

Sundays With Buddha

 (Perseid Meteor Shower 2012 by Gary Randall on Flickr

please visit: http://www.gary-randall.com/ for more

breathtaking art)

Week 16


To share happiness, and to have done something good before leaving this life is sweet.

                                                                                                         --Buddha


I buried my brother yesterday. How many deaths is this, now? Four-including my cousin, Elmer Ray. I don't know what to do with myself with this confusion and sorrow. My brother led a complicated life. His relationships with the family were strained, at best, as were the ones he formed in his own life, those that he could sustain, that is.

But, I had a relationship with him. I always did, rocky and tumultuous as it was at times (a lot of times). He did many things that some would consider unforgivable. But I just understood who he was. That thing in me that I am discovering just wouldn't let me turn my back on him over the years, because I kept regaining contact with him.

My brother was a complicated person. As I stated in last week's post, he struggled with mental illness and alcoholism. He was seeking treatment, but after our mom died, I think guilt of past actions sent him in a downward spiral straight into depression and acute alcoholism. He had a troubled life; a troubled past, but now, his present and his future will be forever untouched by strife.

I do have some not-so-pleasant memories of times with him, but I also have a ton of fond memories, too. I have found, especially in this last year, that when someone passes away, you tend to forget any disgruntled feelings you may have had towards them. All the other memories come back eventually, but you start to understand, or at least cease to be offended by, that which upset you. You start to understand the person and compare their life to your own mortality. It certainly helps you evaluate your own life and what you want to do with it before the very real possibility of it ending comes about.

But, back to my memories of Brian. From those fond memories I have of spending time with my brother who was funny and charming and very intelligent and quite the artist and musician, I know he had some happiness, if only for periods at a time. I know he made some bonds that brought him joy.

Last night, my husband took me to an observation tower near our home by the Mississippi River because there was a gathering of amature astronomers setting up their telescopes (very big telescopes) to look at the moon, Venus, and most spectacularly Saturn, as well as watch the Perseids Meteor shower that is happening in the northern Hemisphere this weekend. He stumbled upon the information about this on one of his bike rides in the bluffs at the visitor center. I thought it was totally appropriate as I am a huge fan of the universe and all that it holds, but mostly because my brother is the one who introduced me to the sky. That's one of my favorite memories of us together, besides the time he took me repelling off the side of a 100 foot bluff. He would take me out with his fabulous telescope and we would look at the stars and planets together.

The whole night all I did was think of my brother and how much he would have loved being there with us last night, as I watched the sky for those little trails of light. And there they were. Just a few, but they were beautiful. I thanked him for giving that gift to me.

I now have my brother's telescope and need to learn how to use it, as it is bigger than any I have owned. That's why it was so special that this night fell into our laps on the eve of his service. It was a very synchronistic evening, to say the least.

So my lesson here is this: Make sure you do all you can to live a happy life. Try to always be conscious of what you are doing and thinking. My story about my brother isn't about that he should have been "better", though he really could give those around him a very miserable existence when he was miserable, or so was perceived by the perceiver. It's about you and me having more tolerance and forgiveness and understanding in our own lives and maybe that could be the trigger for change in someone else. I know everyone is responsible for their own actions, believe me. Brian knew better that to do a lot of what he did in his own life. I'm not saying you must tolerate being mistreated. But if you practice compassion from the get-go, who knows whose life you may unwittingly, change.

Spread joy and do something good...It's what you're here for.


Thank you all so much for reading. I really do care about you all and want only happiness for each of you. It is deserved by you and it is your birth right. But know that you can create it for yourself, and share it with the world.

Namaste


Nanette

Sundays With Buddha

 

Week 15



You too shall pass away. Knowing this, how can you quarrel?

                                                                                        --Buddha



This weeks lesson will be short. I have not had the time to really search for and think on, let alone write about, a more appropriate quote, and this quote is the most appropriate for what I've experienced this week.

Last Sunday I received word that my oldest brother, Brian, had passed away. This was a definite shock, especially after the deaths of our mothers this past year. A shock, but no real surprise. My brother was very ill, though not in the traditional sense. He was emotionally unwell and struggled with alcoholism.

After our mother passed away, his physical and mental health seems to deteriorate. I would have known this as it was happening had I been in contact with him this past year and four months, but, unfortunately, I was not.

I loved my brother, very much, and tried to stay close with him. His disease and everything that happened this past year did not make a good combination for proper communication, or so I thought. I regret not trying to get into contact with him to let him know I was there for him. I thought about him all of the time, but he never knew it. My only reconciliation to this is that he knows all of this, now. His terrible suffering is over. He has finally found his peace.

This is my lesson to you. We all pass away. We do not know when. Most of us do not know how. Knowing this, why do many of us still waste time with 'quarrelling'? We forget that our time here is limited; limited for ourselves and to be with each other. We forget that it can all change in the blink of an eye. We forget that time can pass so fast; within that blink. And, before we know it, a year has passed and we have lost time that of which we will never get back.

Though the real peace comes after we leave this realm, we do not require death to find it. We may have it in this place, as well. We bring it to ourselves, though. And, paradoxically, we have the power to bring it to others through our unselfish and pure-of-heart actions, though we must never rely on another to bring peace to us.

You can give that gift, unselfishly, to another through your actions of caring, understanding, tolerance, loving-kindness, and presence. I urge you to reach out and embrace your loved ones. Break silences and offer understanding. Live your authentic life, in a way that will keep you at peace and bring peace to everyone around you.

I wish you all so much luck on your journey's. Now, go give someone you love a hug or a phone call. And be sure to live each of your days as if it could be your last--with passion and compassion, love and abandon.

Namaste,

Nanette